The crowd was overflowing at the lobby of Hotel Everly, Putrajaya . I was quickly ushered in upstairs as soon I introduced myself to the Malaysia Airlines Staff. The families of the passengers of the ill-fated flight MH 370 were attending a briefing there. I saw several people huddling together and from the look of it I made out that they were from mainland China. I said hello to them and one lady suddenly burst into tears, and to my surprise spoke to me in broken English. “Bring me back my daughter, Bring me back my daughter”, she begged me .Clearly she was angry. She was angry because the daughter postponed her flight that was scheduled for two weeks earlier despite being reminded by her that she should attend a cousin’s wedding in Guan Dong China. The mother was angry with herself for allowing her daughter to take up a job that involved so much travelling. Finally she was angry with the “authorities” for not “telling the truth “about the disappearance of MH 370.
I immediately recalled the stages of grief that normally individuals in such a situation experience, that is Denial of the event, Anger at the situation and blaming others or self, Depression when reality sinks in and finally Acceptance of the tragedy and the willingness to move on in life. Clearly she this lady was in the “anger” stage. I could only give her support by giving her psychological first aid that is to listen to her and allow her to express her sadness to me. After listening to her for 20 minutes, she clearly felt better. She thanked me for giving her support. I left promising her that I will do my best to ensure she has updates on the recent developments.
The following day, I visited the hotel again to evaluate the counselling services provided by the counsellors of the Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat . I came across an Indonesian lady who was sobbing incessantly. I approached her confidently as I speak fluent Indonesian having lived there for many years. I offered her a box of tissues that was on a table nearby. She immediately pulled a few tissues from the box and that was my cue that I could talk to her. She opened up immediately. I did not interrupt her except for offering her a glass of water and more tissues, all the while just nodding my head to indicate that I was with her. She told me she was from Surabaya and that she moved there from Jakarta with her only son after her husband passed away only a few years after their marriage. She brought up her only child 35 years old who was on that ill-fated flight. She related how she kept asking her son to get married but he would just say he needed to be more settled in life before he can take a wife.
She was proud of him that despite his frequent travels, mainly to China, he also managed to bring his mother on holidays. She remembered the last time he was home in Surabaya he told her that this would be his last trip overseas as a bachelor. He had found his sweetheart in Jakarta and he was planning to tie the knot and start a business in Jakarta that would not entail overseas travels anymore. Eka ( not her real name) said she was the happiest mother on that day but now it was all gone. Her life was shattered. If the son was really dead, she wanted him back so she could give him a decent burial. She said she only wanted to see him one last time . Such was a mother’s unconditional love for her only child. I left after promising her that she could see me again anytime if she needed to.
Psychological First Aid is all about providing a listening ear and linking those in distress to reliable information and attending to their basic needs. I wonder how many more of our brothers and sisters in the flood effected areas of Kelantan are in need of such psychological support.
Associate Professor Dato’ Dr Andrew Mohanraj
Member, Mental Health Promotion Advisory Council to the Minister of Health, Malaysia
Dr. Andrew Mohanraj 