The increasing trend of divorce is worrying indeed. Divorce has many implications; from financial ruin, to adverse effects on the mental health of the children and parents which can lead to impairment in social and occupational functioning of the individuals concerned. The breakdown of a family unit has an impact on the nation. It is also an indication that there is an increasingly poor regard for family values and the institution of marriage.
With extended families no longer the norm, nuclear families, particularly urban nuclear families with both parents working can take a toll on the marriage.
Irreconcilable differences occur because young couples these days generally marry in haste. In no time the so called irreconcilable differences emerge. The decision to divorce is also usually taken in haste. Marriage counselling often can make people change their minds about ending their marriage, particularly when children ae involved.
The institution of marriage itself hardly seen as something sacrosanct anymore. The younger, people get married, the greater the chances the marriage will end, due to infidelity. Independent lifestyles of couples who both have careers will have to work extra hard to keep their marriage intact as often they face challenges of facing long working hours away from home and their spouse. An unshakable respect for the institution of marriage will help partners work towards keeping the marriage intact rather than uttering their intention for divorce at a drop of a hat.
Divorce is one of the most devastating “life events” in the development of a child. The child ‘clings” on the parent fearing the “remaining” parent may be lost as well. The child becomes deeply disillusioned and loses trust in his parent while subconsciously dreaming of recreating the “happy family “once again. The child often has features of anxiety and this manifests as bet wetting, temper tantrums and school refusal.
Older children and adolescents often react differently. They tend to become more independent, aggressive or rebellious. The older child may also disregard discipline as it is seen that the parents too were not disciplined in keeping the marriage intact.
If parting ways is truly the only solution , then it is better to get divorced than living together in misery especially when children can suffer more as a result of living in an environment of perpetual unhappiness , conflict or insecurity. At times, divorce is the lesser evil. Divorce can also be the reason to set order in the family with quality time spent, financial commitment being honoured, independence valued and security ensured.
Even if divorce is inevitable, the welfare of children must never be neglected. Divorce is very painful to children and deep psychological distress may leave permanent scars that can manifest in their character as adults. This can be minimised by establishing orderly visitation schedule, being lovingly attached to the children as before and a strong commitment to making the post-divorce arrangement work.
Dato’ Dr Andrew Mohanraj Chandrasekaran
Council Member,
Mental Health Promotion Advisory Council, Ministry of Health Malaysia.
Dr. Andrew Mohanraj 